Watch my ustream here

Streaming Live by Ustream

USTREAM RIGHT NOW

Even though it's lagging, so what I'm doing on cam right now was what I did, like, ten seconds ago.

I have the UStream app for my iPod and that has a camera, so you guys can see me!!!

LINK: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/writerality

Sorry you guys!

Mom's making me go to bed, so I had to leave tiny chat. :(

Email me or something next time you guys are doing it, if it's after 7:30am-3:00pm US Mountain time.

I'm still on...

I'm all alone. :(

I wish I could be on during the day, but I have school from 7:30-3:00.

I'M ON TINYCHAT RIGHT NOWWWWW

If anyone cares... :P

Guys...

Guys...


You guys...

GUYS!!!

HE'S STALKING ME!!! CALL THE X-MEN!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

...

I'm supposed to be writing an autobiography, but instead I'm finding X-Men references in my word processor. Fun times, bro.

Expert in procrastination,
Arianna

Now I'm a Mutant?!

YAY!!!!

Ashley A.'s a mutant, so that means... I'M A MUTANT!!!!!

CAN I GET A "WOOT WOOT"?!

Does this mean I can join the X-Men?!?!?!?!?!!?!?! OMGASDFGHJKL I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!

I CAN MEET WOLVERINE AND OMG AND OTHER PEEPS AND STUFFS AND YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS!!

But seriously, can I join the X-Men?

Waiting for my special mutant card,
Arianna

P.S. Dear Maddie/AG32/Hannie/Whatever-you-are, You're going to do something dangerous? I'll be waiting here with my new PAL, WOLVERINE! Can I get a "WOOT WOOT"?

Little did he know that she had his head and limbs in her refrigerator...  

Regeneration never really pays off...

HOLY ALL THINGS TONY STARK!!! xD

This is the MOST HILARIOUS THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!

I had the largest laughing session earlier all because of you guys!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I am legit. No sarcasm here. I'm telling the actual truth.

If I had known that was the kind of reaction I was going to get out of my last post, I would've posted it MONTHS ago!

OMGASDFGHJKL YOU GUYS ARE HYSTERICAL!

Kaitlynn and agthewayiseeit getting so BUTTHURT! Funniest thing in my life~

If you guys want me dead, laughter is the way to do it! Good plan!

BRB DYING FROM LAUGHTER,
Arianna

Idiots Make Me Laugh

This will mostly be MSTing AG32's stupidity.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS RATED R... FOR RETARDED

That's just a little bit of her utter stupidity, but I hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and some of it's from agthewayiseeit as well, and she's not all that smart either.


I have to go to bed. Suckage. Major.

I Deadpool'd a bit, lol.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! It ended half an hour ago!

Happy Birthday to me,
Arianna, aka Ashley A., aka A for Awesome

Where in the World have I been?!

Truth be told, in my house. Almost 24/7. Yay.

I have, like, a million updates for you guys, so I'll tell you all those now. If you want to hear them, that is...

Who am I kidding? You all love me! ;D Lying to myself makes me feel better...

So, the job thing kind of flunked. Because the world and the economy and Obama suck. So, I'm still extremely poor. Meaning, I think I may have forty cents at the most, but I think I used that to pay for the difference on my friend's popcorn.

Yeah. No money.

Now for some life-changing news for all of you, well, me anyways. I am going to high school this year! Like, LEGIT high school! Awesome~

Some of you may disagree, but I'm excited, so don't rain on my parade. Please?

In case you are wondering, I'm not really all that worried about bullies or people being mean and crap. And no, it's not because I lack "real world experience" or whatever the crap. It's because if anyone will be mean, it'll be me first.

Apparently, I'm an "Ashley" now... Can I be Ashley A.? Or can I be Loki?! He's mean like the Ashleys, right?!

Loki? I'm sure some of you are saying, "O-M-G, did she just make that reference?!" The answer is yes, yes I did.

I went and saw "The Avengers" THREE TIMES! It was AWESOME! W00T!

The first time I went and saw it with Emily, the second time we made our friend Heather go see it with us (and now she's claiming she's like Captain America... whatever.), and then we forced our dad to see it with us for Father's Day. We win "The Greatest Daughters of the Year" award. :D

And then we went and saw "The Amazing Spider-Man" on Monday! And it was EPIC. It was so much better than the original back in 2002, and Peter was much more like he was in the 616 'verse comics. Because I'm a nerd like that.

If you have some money to splurge, I HIGHLY recommend going to see those movies. GO. NOW. RIGHT NOW. I MEAN IT!

My birthday is in literally four days, and my birthday present from Emily and my parents got here yesterday. They let me open it. And guess what it was? Loki A Wacom Bamboo Create drawing tablet! Y'know, for the computer?

Yes, awesome, I know. I've already drawn several Avengers things with it and I am extremely happy. If any of you have any requests, or want to see what I've drawn, leave a comment and I'll post it. :)

TL;DR I am still poor. I'm going to high school for my sophomore year. I'm an "Ashley" now, according to Maddie. I saw "The Avengers" and "The Amazing Spider-Man" and I Deadpool'd over Spider-Man. AAAAAAAND my fifteenth birthday is in four days and I got a drawing tablet from my mum, dad, and sister.

That about wraps things up.

I missed you guys! The yellow box in my head told me to come back.

Work...

Hey peeps. I haven't updated in 5EVA (more than forever, geddit? Lol...), but I've been busy with school and crap.

So, how have all of you been? I'll probably be on more often now, but don't count on it. I'm going to try to get a job this summer, so whatever hours and stuff I have to work will affect my availability, obviously.

And Tears Shall Not Fall

Everything's my fault, isn't it? After all, I'm the easy target. The one who's outspoken, isn't afraid to voice when she doesn't agree, or finds something wrong. So I'm the one who always ends up taking the blame. No, I'm not talking about the message board; I'm talking about real life.

Per usual, my mom is completely p'd off at me. Just because I voice my complaints; wow, real crime there. So what if I say my life sucks? It does. What's wrong with saying that?

I'm almost always here, at my house, watching Qubo. A CHILDREN'S television station. For young kids. Yay, entertainment at it's best. -.-

My mom: You JUST went to go see a movie

Me: Yeah, the first movie I've seen in theaters in a year. -.-

My mom: Stop acting like it's a crime to ask you to help out around here!

Me: I AM helping out! I didn't even say that!

I just wish she would stop taking a lot of stuff I say out of context. Just stop treating me like I'm a lazy IDIOT! I'M NOT! I DO do stuff! Maybe not as much as my sister Emily, but HECK of a lot more than Lizzi! SO JUST STOP! :'(

Finally Here!

Holy crap, after what seemed like years of driving, we're finally here in the Fairfield Inn in Rapid Falls, South Dakota! We saw this sign about two hours ago, and I took this picture. Too cool, huh?

Leaving Tomorrow!

Oh yeah, I've got my groove back!

That sounded absolutely retarded. I'm sorry, I'm extremely hyper, so if I sound stupid, I should not be held responsible under law. Dun dun dun!

So, since I am feeling so much better, we (meaning Emily and I) are leaving with three friends and their family to go to Rapid City, South Dakota tomorrow at noon! About forty-five after I finish my Christian Worldview class. Yay, I have to eat quickly. Get me Mickey D's, Mother.

Ever notice how "forty" isn't spelt "fourty", like it should be? Lazy people make words shortened, often cutting out "u"s. Hence why all the American spellings of English words don't have "u"s, where they're suppose to. "Colour", "favourite", etc.

Wow, was that a squirrel or what! ("Up" reference, hee.)

We are going to see Mount Rushmore on Saturday! Something I've been dreaming about almost my entire childhood. (Why did I just think of Tangled?)

I will make sure to take tons of pictures for you guys!

Keep awesome!

Arianna

Mount Flu-more

Great, just great. I'm pretty sure I have the flu. Yay. -.- AG32 is dancing on my prepared grave.

Emily and I are hopefully going to stay in South Dakota this weekend with our friends. Why I say hopefully should be apparent by the above sentences.

If we do go, we'll go to see Mount Rushmore! How exciting is that? Probably not for most of you, but it's been something I've been dreaming about since I was a little seven year old.

On the plus side for some of you, I'll have great pictures to post on FTP. Speaking of which, I will post on FTP no later than 7 pm Mountain Time, 'kay Rachel. :)

So, wish me luck on getting better you guys.

I love you guys so much! No, not creepery-love, friend love. Y'know, grateful love. Yeah, I'd probably be better off just not saying anything.

Creepery is a word!

Taxes and Insuraunce

I was looking around on Cars.com, seeing how much PT Cruisers and the like go for, considering I'll be able to get my license in a little less than a year. However, it's going to take me FOREVER to save up for a stupid car. -.-

You have to have insurance to drive, and insurance is expensive. Since taxes are so high, and jobs that don't require collage degrees pay practically zilch, my life sucks.

The taxes take out a TON of money out of your paycheck, especially when you're not married or have dependents, so that leaves you with barely zilch of your zilch paycheck. Equaling what? My life sucks.

In a nutshell, taxes

Apology Retracted

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I retract my apology
To AG32!

Dear AG32,
You. Suck.

I apologize, you act like a jerk. I ignore.

BUT YOU JUST CROSSED THE LINE.

You are NOT to insult my sister. I can take it, but you DO NOT insult my sisters or friends.

The Ashleys are stupid and ugly, just like your face.

Pic of you:


Your fate: to work at Jupiter Burger for the rest of your life as a dabo girl. Have fun spinning those dabo tables!

I'm a Werewolf!

Not the dumb Twilight kind either. :D

Help?

If any of you would like help with spelling or grammar, I'd be happy to tutor you! I've figured that, if you want people to improve themselves, you have to help them, not scream at them.

So, shoot me a comment or email if you'd like. :D

Depressed...

Sorry for not really posting anything as of late; I've been falling into some state of depression...

I really don't know why, I just haven't been feeling my usual happy-bouncy self. I'm generally not preppy, just very, very energetic. It's probably because I haven't been sleeping the greatest, but nuance.

I have been trying to fight off this sudden cloud of doom with Star Trek, but that's not helping as of late. Whenever I watch an episode of DS9, it just reminds me how much the U.S. government is becoming like the Dominion more and more...

You probably don't care about my constant blathering and depressed state. Sorry...

Remember children, Weyoun loves you! (Creepy cult creator... O.o)

Weyoun's probably stalking you. -.-
Arianna

Normal life for me, yadda yadda yadda...

Part one of my story "Silent Vipers" is done. You can read it here:
(R’qu broke her daydreams with a loud protest.)

I'm awake at 12:14AM, sitting here, typing at my computer, waiting until GhostBusters (the old, 1980s one) is on on Qubo. It's on at one...

Meh, normal life for moi...

Not-really-tired,
Arianna

Novel

So, again, I am working on a novel-length story. It's completely different from my last one, though.

This current novel is much more of the supernatural-fantasy genre, with a tad bit of sci-fi in the mix (It may sound weird, but it's not. It makes perfect sense in my brain. :P).

So, expect the prologue on Siete De Awesome tonight!

I'm still very much in the planning stage, but not so much that I can't start writing :).

-Arianna

CARO!!!

If you still want to join, Caro, I'd really appreciate an email address for Blogger so that I can add you to Siete De Awesome. :) Sorry for the persistent pestering, I'm just a very impatient person. :)

Siete De Awesome is now Open!

So, I realized that when I had come up with the titles, BSH and Emily hadn't decided they'd wanted to join yet. So now it's called "Siete De Awesome!"

Link here.

So, yeah! Check it out, let me know if there's anything you'd like changed. I don't know if you guys can edit the blog or just post on it...

Smiles all around!
Arianna

Cinco De Awesome!

If it's okay with everyone, this is probably going to be the collab's name. It got the most votes :).

I'm still awaiting emails from Caro, BSH, and Lauren :). So, yeah!

If you don't want to join right this moment, you don't have to. Just email me later and I can add you whenever :).

It's Official!

No, it's not official that I'm banned this time!

It's official that I'm creating a collab blog!

So, some of you have been saying "I don't know what I'd post". Well, here's my answer (shamelessly pasted from a comment of mine):
Anything. It's going to be any stories, poetry, or essays that you feel like writing. It can be original fiction (in which you come up with everything) or fan fiction (in which you use another person's characters/universe) if it's a story. Poetry can be light or dark. Essays can be on anything from "Chocolate Chip Cookies vs. White Bread" to "Walmart: Common Industry". xD

Like I've already said, if you need a beta-reader/editor/proofreader, I'm your girl. ;) *Quote shamelessly stolen from "Sunshine Girl"... waiting to see if anyone gets it...*

So far, these are the people who are interested:

• Vivy
• Black Cats/Lauren/Ash (I don't know which you'd prefer me to call you)
• Rachy
• Carolyn
• ME! (Of course, the awesome me! XD)

If you'd like to join, please, please, please email me. The "email me" option is on my profile. The reason for this? I need your email address in order to add you to the allowed authors for the blog. Don't worry; I think I've proven by now that I'm most definitely not an internet stalker. Want proof? Look on my YouTube.

Now that that unpleasant business is over with, we're stuck with the issue of what the name will be. Any suggestions? I've got a few (stupid) ones.

• The Fearless Five (Been watching too much He-Man, sorry...)
• Awesome to the power of 5 (Again, He-Man and algebra... they don't mix)
• Cinco De Awesome (the fifth of awesome, instead of May? Haha... ignore my strange sense of humor)
• The Even Five (extra lame, but... stupid? Ironic? I dunno...)
• Awesome at 1700 (In military/Star Trek time, this is 5PM)

Okay, so I know those are the worst suggestions you have ever heard. Do you gals have any? (I regret using the word "gals"... it sounds... not me...)

Holy Cardies, I just realized how many ellipses I used in this post! AG32, she's getting to me! AHHHHHHH!

Adieu,
Arianna

Collab Blog?

What do all of you think of a collaboration blog?

It could be filled with stories and poetry. Of course, everything would have to be approved by me first, but I will pretty much let anything in. As long as it's well-written and has a beta-reader, which I could beta-read for anyone who needs a beta.

Basically, a group of us would post on the same blog. It's rather simple, really.

So, what do you think? Let me know if you'd like to do it :).

Sincerely,
Arianna

Of Flops and "Jealous" People

Hello! I know it's been a couple of days since I posted, but I really haven't had much to say. Besides that, I've been watching a little too much television...

My novel is a complete flop. I lost wherever in Qo'noS I was going with it, and now... it's a complete epic fail. I feel so ashamed. :(

...

Does it ever annoy the crap out of you when people call you "jealous". Especially when you are NOT! This happened to me on Wednesday.

Okay, so I used to be friends with this kid named Jacob, until he decided he had an "almost girlfriend" (his words, not mine :P), and that I was completely worthless. It's not like I fancied the kid or anything; I just saw someone who needed a friend and was there for him.

So, I get all hot under the collar because of this "girlfriend", but not because I'm "jealous" of her. No, it's because this has happened with every single freaking friend I've ever had. They always find someone else they'd rather hang out with than me; the girl who has strong opinions, isn't afraid to say anything, and scares people.

Yesterday, he got the brilliant idea to say I was jealous of his darned "girlfriend". I told him to shut up, but he persisted. What did he get? A punch in the arm and LOTS of Trek insults. Yay.

Then, he had the AUDACITY to say, "Why does this always happen to me?"

I replied, "What?"

He said, "I never have any friends."

NO, REALLY?! Sure, everyone wants to be friends with a guy who will leave them for the first "hot" chick who comes along.

Sorry for the picture, I couldn't help myself.

All in all, I'm mad at Jacob and myself. What a life I have. -.-

End rant.
Arianna

Thumbholes

I got a jacket with thumbholes! I'm so happy!

I've been wanting a jacket with thumbholes ever since I was eleven or twelve and I finally got one. Yay!

I really don't have anything else to say... sorry.

Peace.
Arianna

It's such a fickle thing

Inspiration is such a fickle thing.

Have any of you ever started writing a lot, like you're on a role, and then you suddenly don't know what to write next? That's where I am right now.

It doesn't help that I'm out of chai tea and am now having to rely on caramel apple cider for brain power. This sucks. -.-

Arianna

Beta-ing without permission...

Okay, so I would do this for Simpthy on the MB, but I am banned, so I will do it here.

Here's her raw copy:

I looked out the airplane window. Everything was so much different from my home country, England. For some type of reason it reminded me of England. My mother sat reading a fashion magazine, but suddenly she turned to stare at me.

“Yes?” I asked trying to avoid any problem.

“I was just looking to see my beautiful daughter. New York is the perfect place for you.”

I, AnnaSophia am a fashion writer. I am only seventeen years old and I will be attending Lake High in New York City. I will have a job along with my mother and an apartment with her as well. For I am a model in training I will work on all my dreams in the U.S. of A.

"This is New York? I thought it would be like in-"

A big statue had took my breath away. It was green, very. Tall, a big lady with a type of lamp. It was in fact the Statue of Liberty.

"I think I already became an American." I told my mother. She laughed as if it were a joke, but it was a serious thing to me.

"Hurry on Anna! We need to go check into our house. Did you forget?"

To be continued...

First off, if you're British, you're going to call an "airplane" an "aeroplane". It's just the way British English differentiates from American English.

Secondly, "for some type of reason" is redundant. Use less words. -.-

Thirdly, and last of my criticism for now--as I am lazy--is that your character is very quickly portraying all the classic traits of a Mary -Sue. In order to avoid this, take this litmus test and correct your character accordingly.

Sincerely,
Arianna

Working on my first novel

I've got everything planned out to a practical "T". The only things I have left to do are come up with a title (isn't that always the most difficult part of planning a story?) and to, well, start writing it.

There's nothing better for a writer than a keyboard and a mug of hot chai tea. Mm...

So, I'm planning on finishing this in about one-two months, depending on how much I get to use the computer. Emily is currently obsessed with an MMORPG game, so I don't really have a chance to use it a whole lot...

I'm planning on putting it up for free Kindle download on Amazon.com once I'm done. You can download it even if you don't have a Kindle; Amazon has free downloads for being able to read Kindle books on your computer, iPhone/iPod, and such.

.

Turns out the only evidence left of lollypolly123 is here, on my blog. Liz deleted her from the message board completely. Also, you have to log in to view posts now.

What a way to run a message board, Liz. -.- Honestly, how are people suppose to know if they want to join if they can't even see the stupid posts? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! In other words, if you can't handle the drama maturely, Liz, and instead just keep putting securities up all over your board, you shouldn't even have one.

Good day.
Arianna

O Government, O Government, I have no respect for thee

Eighty Congressmen are making me so mad right now!

How DARE they vote FOR SOPA?! That entire act undermines the rights given to EVERY U.S. citizen in the First Amendment of the Constitution. How dare they try to take our freedom away from us? It is a RIGHT, not a PRIVILEGE!

Grr... I'm too mad right now to type out a well-constructed arguement...

Arianna

Alas, there is no shade of grey

Today I will being talking about the regression of characters throughout TV shows.

One reason character de-establishment happens is because the writers don't like how the fans reacted to an originally "evil" character.

Instead of staying the antagonist, these characters become what is known as the Tragic Heroes. Aka, these guys.


How dare anyone say these beautiful faces are evil?! Sadly, the writers intended them to be evil, but, because of the fans' reactions, they had to turn them into Plain Creepers. Classic example:


Ah, good ol' Lucas Taylor...

If the fans like the characters the way they are, keep them that way. Don't turn them into Pah-Wraith possessed morons, like poor Dukat.


Now isn't that just sad/creepy/scary all at the same time?

Listen, television writers; if people like the characters the way they are, leave them alone! Something everybody loved about Gul Dukat was that he was more of an Anti-Hero than anything else. He was charming, witty, and desperately in love with Major Kira Nerys. Then you turned him into an insane cult leader. I'm so proud. -.-

Seething about ruined characters,
Arianna

Bored and waiting

I'm so bored! Grr!

I'm not that bored... well, I don't have a baseball, any way...

If only I had some fun in my bored, dead brain...

I tried rolling our computer chair across the kitchen floor. It was really fun; that is, until my parents threatened to take away my iPod if I didn't stop. However, I get the distinct feeling they might've tried to kill me...

And that's how an Obsidian Order spy operates. O.o

For some reason, I think my dad's a spy. Ooh, I could write a story about that! Nah, I'm too lazy... *inspiration dings*

Anyway, this is a really weird, random post that probably no one will read.


But that's A-okay!

Don't you just love the pictures in my posts?
Arianna

Still no reply

Liz still has yet to reply to my email. What is she, a chicken?

Maybe not.

Liz -.-

I know this blog has become one big rant center, but it's the only place I can let anything out.

Liz. Holy Klingons-impaled-with-bat'leths, Liz. She irritates me just as much as any of those other prats on the Message Board.

Why, for the sake of all things Cardassian, does our wonderful administrator choose to make an "example" out of me by banning? What is she, Dukat? Honestly, why not ban Kaitlynn or AG32, the idiotic, trolling pests who drove me over the edge in the first place? Liz, what in Equestria is she thinking?!

She didn't even PM or email me before she banned me. A simple "This is the reason you're getting banned and you'll get unbanned in this amount of time" is all that was required. Does she even bother with that?


Of course, after she's Weyoun'd us all into submission, maybe we can have free speech on the internet again...

...Or not...

I mean, really? How dense does one have to be in order to see that the root of all the problems are not the outspeakers, but the causers. I thought that I had a right to express my opinion on that board as long as I did so respectfully, yet I got banned. Thanks Liz.

Supressing freedom, where have I heard that before? Maybe you should talk to... this gal.

I'm sure you two would get along perfectly.

By the way, all the people who live on the second deck of a starship are trolls. They live under the Bridge ;).

Enjoying my weird sense of humor,
Arianna

Robin Hood

Who has seen the Disney version of Robin Hood? No one? I'm an utter wierdo... :P

Wierdly,
Arianna

Imagination

Author's note: Just a short story I had to write for school. Tell me what you guys think :P.

***

In a little room, alone, there was a girl; no older than twelve years. Fiery red curls soared as she whirled around swiftly, prepared to shoot a lethal stare at whoever was watching her. Once her blue eyes had pierced every corner of the room, she was relieved to see that no one was present. However, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the stuffed animals that lined floral-printed walls were glowering at her. It was as if they somehow knew what she was about to do.

Ignoring the maliciously staring playthings, she turned back around to the item of her previous attention. In front of her was a mirror, embedded in antiquated, twisted cherry wood. It smelled of mothballs and rosemary, an odd combination to say the least.

As the young redhead stared into the aged-old looking glass, she felt a sudden swoosh behind her, as though someone had just bolted past at record speeds. Suddenly, the girl realized she’d had her eyes closed, and reopened them, expecting to see herself staring back pleasantly in the mirror.

She was shocked when the blue orbs had reopened themselves, and saw not the cheval glass, but a dark, cloaked figure, standing directly ahead of her. Rather than the small bedroom, she was surrounded by a lush, green, tropical jungle. The caws of birds and the incessant chatter of monkey rang throughout the area.

Quite noticeable was the good two hundred fifty foot tall waterfall to her side, which looked altogether menacing. One wrong step could mean the end of her short life.

“Zahari,” Her name was uttered in an eerie, raspy voice by the cloaked one. From what she could see of the unusually small head, it looked as though it had saber-toothed fangs.

“H-How do you know my name?” Zahari stammered, vaguely surveying the encompassing terrain for any sort of defensive weapon. Much to her dismay, and the creature’s enjoyment, she could find no such object.

“Oh, Zahari, you mean you don’t know?” The horrible thing sounded as though it were mocking her. “This is your imagination.”

“My imagination?” Zahari scoffed. “Yeah, right; if this was my imagination, I’d have a pink unicorn named Sparky.”

“It’s odd,” the voice started, “How our imaginations can be quite different from how we perceive them to be. One, such as yourself, might think she has a wonderful sense of creativity, when in reality, all it is, is me.” The voice became more unearthly with every word.

“How are you, Mister, part of my imagination?” This whole thing had her confused, not to mention freaked out.

“I’m everything negative can possibly comprehend. Mostly, however, I am your fear.” A ghostly, rattling breath followed the last word. The word that Zahari dreaded.

“Fear, you say? I’m not afraid of anything.” She lifted up her head proudly, as though it would prove her unsound statement correct.

“You are not invincible, you arrogant little child. If you believe that, you will surely lose all.”

“Why are you telling me this if you’re my fear?”

“Because,” the cloak hobbled closer. “It’s a warning.”

All of the sudden, pallid, claw-like hands shot out from under the cloak, giving Zahari a sound shove over the jagged edge of the towering cliff. The music of the rushing waterfall filled her ears as she fell. Abruptly, she hit the ground, and saw no more.

Deep Space JEOPARDY! -a parody by Danielle R.

RANDOM ANNOUNCER FROM NOWHERE—ALSO KNOWN AS RALPH: Today is JEOPARDY! We have three contestants! Weyoun, representing the Dominion (audience boos), Damar with a bottle of kanar representing Cardassia (crickets), and Molly O’Brien representing the Federation (audience “aw”s)! And now your host; Quark, representing Brunt!

QUARK: What?! You said I was representing Ferenginar!

PRODUCER: He lied! Now get on with the show!

QUARK: (Mumbling) I hate that stupid liquidator. (Normal voice) Now, we have three categories upon the board. (Random audience dude “I thought there were suppose to be six!” Klingon impales him with a bat’leth.) And those categories are… “Diplomacy with a Capital ‘D’”, “Dora the Explorer” (Weyoun covers ears in horror), and “You are What You Eat”. Weyoun, you pick the first question. (Quark rolls eyes, knowing this is gonna be stupid)

WEYOUN: I pick “You are What You Eat” for 100 bars of gold-pressed latinum.

QUARK: (Mumbling [again]) I should be playing this stupid game. (Normal voice) For 100 bars, this is the question, “Damar rhymes with—“

DAMAR: (Buzzes in) Where’s my kanar?

QUARK: That’s not the—

RALPH: He stated it in the form of a question! That means he gets it!

QUARK: (Mumbling) I could tell this was going to be stupid. (Normal) Damar, you pick.

DAMAR: Uhm… Dora for 100 bars.

QUARK: For 100 bars, this is the question, “Finish the following line; if there’s a place you gotta go, I’m the one you need to know, I’m the ‘blank’.”

DAMAR: (Buzzes in) Where’s my kanar?

QUARK: You idiot! Kanar is not the answer to every single question!

WEYOUN: (Buzzes in) What is the Founder?

QUARK: No. (Starts to get frustrated)

MOLLY: What is the map?

QUARK: (Fake enthusiasm) Yes! Pick the next question.

MOLLY: “You are What You Eat” for 200 bars.

QUARK: “If you are Edward the vampire, you’re probably this.”

DAMAR: (Buzzes in) Wh-

QUARK: If you’re about to say kanar again, it’s not the answer.

DAMAR: (Pulls hand away from the buzzer and is silent)

WEYOUN: (Buzzes in) What is sunshine?

MOLLY: (Sings softly to herself) You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy-

QUARK: I need someone to make me happy right now!

MOLLY: (Buzzes in) What about a radish?

QUARK: (Completely confused) What does a hew-mon radish have to do with anything? The answer is, “What is a vampire”!

EVERYONE—EVEN RALPH: Oh…

MOLLY: Wait… if the cat-gory is “You are What You Eat”, does that mean that Edward eats vampires?

QUARK: Well, when you put it that way…

RANDOM AUDIENCE DUDE REINCARNATED: He’s a cannibal! (Gets carried away by Sloan, the Section 31 operative)

QUARK: (Bugged eyes) Right… (Gulps) the things the Federation does these days. Since we had that little skirmish, why don’t we do “Diplomacy with a Capital ‘D’” for 100 bars? The question is, “If someone spells your name wrong, what are you supposed to do?”

DAMAR: (Buzzes in) Steal all their kanar!

QUARK: No…

WEYOUN: Send a fleet of Jem’Hadar ships after them. (Innocent yet creepy smile)

QUARK: First off, you didn’t buzz in. Second, that is the wrong answer. All answers must be in the form of a question, or Ralph gets to keep the latinum.

RALPH: Yay!!

QUARK: (Rolls eyes)

MOLLY: (Buzzes in) Tell everyone that my daddy can’t beat the Alamo!

(Crickets, crickets, crickets)

QUARK: Wrong. The answer is “Forgive them”. “Diplomacy with a Capital ‘D’” for 200 bars, “If you are called a name, you should…”

MOLLY: (Buzzes in) Hire Garak as an assassin and have him decapitate the person who called you meanie-rude-poopy pants?

QUARK: (Shocked) What does your father talk to you about? However, that is the wrong answer.

WEYOUN: (Buzzes in) Have the Jem’Hadar attack them?

QUARK: No. Why are all your answers so violent?

RANDOM AUDIENCE DUDE REINCARNATED YET AGAIN: Has anyone noticed that Damar is missing?! (Gets beamed to the Alamo)

(Suspenseful music goes “dun dun dun”)

QUARK: Well, then we’ll just have to have a Cardassian take his and his kanar’s place. Who volunteers?

(Gul Dukat walks right up to the stand/podium thing)

DUKAT: I will be taking that imbecile’s place.

QUARK: Okay… do you have an answer for the question?

DUKAT: Of course I do. (Buzzes in) What is forgiving them?

QUARK: (Surprised) That’s right!

DUKAT: (Looks smug) “Dora the Explorer” for 200.

QUARK: “Who is the most intelligent girl in the entire universe that goes on adventures with her monkey?”

MOLLY: (Buzzes in) Me! At least, my daddy says I am the most smartiest girl ever!

QUARK: Erm… as I said before, what does your father teach you? Anyone else?

DUKAT: (Buzzes in) Who is Major Kira?

QUARK: (Looks disturbed) Listen, I know you’re sort of obsessed with the Major, but who’s the monkey?

DUKAT: That stupid Bajoran Shaakar.

QUARK: (Still disturbed) He’s her boyfriend.

DUKAT: I know. (Smiles charmingly at the camera)

WEYOUN: (Buzzes in) Who is Kukalaka?

QUARK: Isn’t that Dr. Bashir’s teddy bear? Who’s the monkey?

WEYOUN: Isn’t it obvious? (Copies Dukat’s charming smile, but it only looks creepy)

MOLLY: My daddy wouldn’t like to hear you call Uncle Julian a monkey!

WEYOUN: (Death glare) I don’t care, little girl.

(TAL SHIAR COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND CARRY AWAY ALL THE CONTESTANTS AND AUDIENCE… AND QUARK)

RALPH: Well, I guess that’s all, folks! See you again for more JEOPARDY!

(Commercial for Depends underwear plays)


Author's Note: So, what did you guys think of this crap? I wrote it at twelve this morning, so I was tired. Hence why the humor makes no sense and it's in script format. I admit it; I'm lazy :P.

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Dani